I once listened to a TEDTalk where the speaker said that if you want to eat healthier, you don’t have to change what you eat, you just need to not go out to eat. The reasoning was if you have to make whatever unhealthy thing you want to eat, you won’t do it as often, because it’s a pain in the ass. Unfortunately for me, I really like pizza, and I really enjoy making pizza.
Whole Wheat Dough
- 1 ½ cup white flour
- 1 ¼ cup whole wheat flour
- 1 packet active yeast
- 1 tsp salt
- 1 cup hot water (between 120-130F)
- 2 tbsp cornmeal
Mix the flours together and then remove ½ cup of the mixture and set aside. Add the yeast and salt, then slowly add in the hot water. (Seriously, do it slowly. I didn’t the first time I made this and ended up with tire rubber instead of pizza dough.)
Once it starts looking like dough, scoop it out onto a floured surface and knead it for about 8 minutes, slowly adding in the leftover ½ cup of flour. Eight minutes of kneading dough feels like forever, so listen to some good music, think about your toppings, remember that you haven’t paid for your damn Chicago car tax yet and the month is almost over and curse yourself.
Form the dough into a ball, place in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap and wait about 10 minutes. Sprinkle cornmeal on pizza pan. Remove dough from the bowl and spread onto the pizza pan, leaving the dough a little thicker around the edges. Nice.
Red Pepper & Jalapeno Pizza
- Whole wheat pizza dough
- 1 medium red bell pepper
- 1 jalapeno
- 1/2 can of pizza sauce (sorry)
- 8 oz. part-skim mozzarella slices
Preheat oven to 450F. Spread some sauce on the pizza dough with a spoon. Be a little disappointed in yourself that you didn’t make pizza sauce from scratch and be really disgusted that there’s 3g of sugar per serving. Whatever.
Chop up the red pepper. Look in your fridge for something else to put on the pizza and see a very sad jalapeno. Last week, you bought groceries for a recipe that called for one jalapeno but you felt really out of place purchasing only one jalapeno at the Mexican grocery store so you thought buying two would make you seem “woke” and definitely not a white asshole. Chop up the jalapeno, but first, remove all the seeds because you indeed are a white asshole. Place the red pepper and jalapeno on the pizza sauce.
Slice the mozzarella instead of grating it because 1) it looks cooler when it’s sliced and 2) have you ever tried to wash a cheese grater? Fuck that noise. Place the mozzarella slices over the chopped peppers.
Place pizza in oven for 22 minutes. Write a blog post about your experience. Go check on your pizza and realize you forgot to start the timer. Pull your pizza out of the oven and see that although the cheese is dark, it has not burned. Praise yourself, for you are a majestic unicorn with incredible intuition and also incredible luck. Cut the pizza and then slap a piece of parsley next to it because “plating.” Enjoy.